Underearning: Simmering in Negative Stew

How many of you have used the phrase: “The rich get richer while the poor get poorer”?

That’s what I thought. Now cut it out.

When you repeat something often enough, it becomes a belief. And if the phrase “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer” pops out of your mouth automatically, then guess what? That’s your core belief. So how are you, dear 99 percenter, going to make more money if your deepest conviction, the very truth as you believe it, is that the cards are stacked against you so why bother even trying?

Those in the 99% bracket tend to be underearners. That is, they earn less than they are worth, or less than their potential. They take low-paying jobs, rarely ask for a raise, and are hesitant to risk the unknown, so they stay where they are, even if that workplace makes Hell look like a day at the spa.

According to Barbara Stanny’s book Overcoming Underearning, underearners:

1. Talk as if they’re trapped.
2. Give their power away.
3. Underestimate their worth.
4. Crave comfort (i.e. resist change).
5. Are self-saboteurs.
6. Are codependent (and people pleasers).
7. Live in financial chaos.
8. Are vague about money and success.
9. Are anti-wealth (“Kill the rich!”).
10. Are controlled by fear.

It doesn’t matter that you say you want to make more money, win the lottery, build up a savings account – if the little voice inside your head says, “You could never earn a six-figure income”, “You can’t make a living at [fill in blank]”, “You’re too old”, and my personal favorite, “Who do you think you are?” then you might as well be talking out of your ass. What you say you want and what you really want – in other words, what your core beliefs are – must be in alignment or they will butt heads and the stronger of the two will win.

So which one is stronger for you:

“I want to make more money”

or

“Wealthy people are greedy”

The first thing to do in order to change your bank account is change your mindset. So how do you do that? 

• Whenever a negative thought about money or people with money comes up, write it down.
• Take each negative thought and reword it until it’s a positive statement. For example, “making money is too hard” can be altered to “making money is easy and fun!” (Go ahead and roll your eyes; eye-rolling does not adversely affect changing your mindset.)
• Then, every time you say or think that usual not, never and can’t bullshit, immediately repeat your new, positive phrase several times.
• Know that it takes 21 consecutive days to form a new habit. So do this as often as needed throughout the day for three weeks. Once your thoughts automatically go to yes and can, watch your actions follow suit.

A word of advice. You know how when you decide to quit drinking after seeing the x-ray of your liver and then you’re hanging out with your drinking buddies who are relentless in their attempts to goad you into “just one little drink”, and when you successfully stick to soda all night they start in with “what are you, a pansy or something?” or “you’re not nearly as funny on lemon-lime seltzer”? That’s what your brain is going to try doing to you as you attempt to form new, healthy thoughts. So here’s the advice: don’t listen!

“The number one requirement for financial [or any] success is simply this: You’ve got to be willing to be uncomfortable.” 

That’s what Barbara Stanny says and she should know. So just understand that while you’re making the change and forming new habits, it’s going to feel uncomfortable. It’s only temporary, so learn to be okay with discomfort. Either that or stay at your $8 an hour job in your polyester uniform with a boss named Skippy and quit complaining.

Tolerating Uncertainty

Uncertainty in motion

I have a Post-It note on my bathroom mirror that says, “You have to give up the life you have to get to the life that’s waiting for you.” I keep it there to remind me that uncertainty is not only a part of life, but a spice of life, much like flatulence-inducing Turmeric. I hear so many people describe white-knuckling change in their lives—losing a job, dating a new person, going on vacation somewhere different—because they are unable to tolerate the uncertainty that goes hand-in-hand with it.

The problem with most people (besides the fact that they never remember to turn off their bloody cell phones during movies, meetings, or dates) is that they want the promise of The New Life before they let go of their current incarnation, no matter how badly they want things to change. It’s like waiting to divorce your current husband until after you marry your new guy. “Just in case the new hubby doesn’t work out!” you might say. That’s not the way it works (unless you live in Utah where they call this polygamy).

Tolerating uncertainty is based on faith. Not necessarily Faith, capital F, but just regular, garden-variety faith. The ability to trust without a guarantee. Like the faith we have in electricity—I trust that my lights will turn on the next time I flip the switch (which, by the way, doesn’t always happen in this 1930s building I live in). Like the faith we have that we’ll awaken after falling asleep. Like the faith we have that Trader Joe’s will have All Sortsa Licorice for sale when we’re jonesin’ for it bad.

When we don’t have faith (no matter how much we listen to George Michael insist that we gotta have it), what we have is fear. In the case of uncertainty, this shows up as a fear of impermanence. I used to think that once I achieved a desired state—whether it was my weight, frequency and excitement of sex in a relationship, level of ease in a job, or diminished volume of the voices in my head—I would stay there forever, and if I didn’t, well then something was clearly wrong with me. Ha! What was wrong with me was believing in the absolute permanence of things, including my emotional state. What am I, a robot?

According to Pema Chödrön, author of Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears, suffering is nothing but resistance. As soon as we feel pain, discomfort, uncertainty, we run from it and seek short-term relief. We always feel restless and uncomfortable because we’re always trying to “get ground under our feet”, and that never works because everything is impermanent. Cyclical, perhaps, but impermanent.

But guess what? We won’t die from uncomfortable feelings. I’ve never heard of an autopsy revealing that someone dropped dead of uncertainty. By learning to sit with our feelings of discomfort or even pain, the uncertainty becomes familiar, and gradually it loses its menace.

Occupy My Hair - Please!

Supercuts, circa 1930

Being a 99 percenter, my choice of salon for a haircut is either Supercuts or myself. I used to trim it myself when I had long, unlayered hair (and didn’t mind telling people it was crooked because I had to cut a wad of gum out of it). Now that my hair is short, layered and curly, I opt for a professional. Or in this case, Supercuts.

I’m only kidding about referring to Supercuts as unprofessional. I’ve had great haircuts and lousy haircuts there—but I’ve also had great and lousy haircuts at expensive salons. One time I paid close to a hundred dollars for a trim and a body wave and wound up with a ‘do that made me look exactly like my hairdresser: a cheap ‘80s hooker. In contrast, last time I got the best haircut EVER—for a grand total of $18.50. Strangers were complimenting me on my locks (hair, that is, not mechanism for securing something…)!

So stepping into Supercuts is a bit like playing Russian Roulette. And yesterday was the day I got the bullet.

I asked the hairstylist to give me a healthy trim; since it had been 6 months since my tresses had seen a pair of scissors, I told her not to be shy and lop off a good three inches. But female stylists are always shy. I think because they’re so afraid of going short themselves, they assume that all gals are. But not this one. She started to measure and trim and snip.

“Shorter!” I ordered like I was General Patton.

“Are you sure?” she said, frowning.

How dare she question me. Surely I know what I want. “Of course!”

“Really?” she piped up one last time.

“YES!”

And then she was done. I looked at my new haircut in the mirror—front, sides, back. And…

It was TOO short. Gulp.

I felt her eyes boring into the back of my head.

“Well?” she asked, her voice rich with accusation.

I smiled meekly up at her. “It’s perfect,” I said and hopped out of the chair.

For the rest of the day, I cringed when I saw myself in window reflections and mirrors. It’s not that it’s a bad ‘do, and it’s not like I haven’t had it this short before. It’s just that this time I had something different in mind. 

I wanted fun Amelia Earhart...

Instead, I got fresh out of women’s prison... 

But with a little acceptance, a lot of gel, and a good photographer, I got a stylish new look. 

 

All for under twenty bucks.

Eat the Rich? But I'm Lactose-Intolerant...

Apparently Occupy Wall Street is running out of money. Is this a case of irony or a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Everyone has preconceived ideas about others. Some were embedded in us at an early age (usually the big ones, about a person’s race, nationality or religion) and become beliefs that are so strong they feel like The Truth. Others we create ourselves, often through repetition. For example, after many trips to the DMV over the years, my preconceived idea is that all DMV employees are missing the humor gene.

Many, not all, people who are in the 99 percent of the wealth bracket believe that the rich are greedy, corrupt or assholes. (Or, of course, greedy corrupt assholes.) This view of the wealthy may have been inherited straight from your parents, if that was their belief; you may have watched your Uncle Scrooge screw over his employees or family; you may have even worked for one of these strange creatures yourself whose only offense was offering you minimum wage while he displayed expensive Persian Rugs - on his wall (the epitome of rich)!

But here’s the thing about to-the-core beliefs: if you believe that the rich are the lowest form of life, you will never become rich. How can you? To be rich would mean that you are a nasty son-of-a-bitch, and that ain’t gonna happen. So in order to preserve the idea that you are a good, kind, hard-working soul, you will never allow yourself to break through that particular salary ceiling (we all have a specific limit above which we consider well-to-do; for some it’s $250,000, for others it’s $25,000).

So if you want to escape the confines of the 99% and infiltrate the 1%, peel off your bumper sticker that says, “Eliminate poverty, eat the rich!” How will you ever become wealthy when the clink of cutlery has you looking over your shoulder in fear?

Living a Full Life On an Empty Wallet

The recession has hit some people hard, some people mildly and other people not at all. I’m not a big believer that in The Great Recession there is no chance for forward progress. Uh-uh. I’ve seen too many people make more money in 2011 or 2010 than they ever had before, or start new businesses, or get their dream job. So anything can happen.

Enjoying $1.99 Charles Shaw wine

However, if you happen to be struggling as you attempt to make something happen, there is no need to go without some necessities that you believe you can no longer afford. You’ve heard the saying “where there’s a will, there’s a way”? My saying is “where there’s a recovering deprivation addict, there’s a way!”

Here are some tips for living a full life on an empty wallet:

HEALTH

Saban Free Clinic (formerly L.A. Free Clinic). When they say free, they mean free. They offer free physical exams, blood work, prescriptions and of course no co-pay. The facility is ‘gently used’, as some consignment stores describe their wares, but clean as a whistle. You won’t get the same doctor if you go there regularly – it’s on a first-come, first-examined basis – but they’re all professional and very kind. Be sure to call for an appointment well in advance since they always seem to be booked for the next month. http://www.thesabanfreeclinic.org

Planned Parenthood. They will usually refer you to Saban for regular examinations, but this clinic is ideal for walk-ins. Ladies, if you’ve ever suffered from a UTI, there is no way in gynecological hell that you’re waiting a month for an appointment. Planned Parenthood also offers free prescriptions, as well as a State of California Health Access card that you can present at other medical facilities. http://www.plannedparenthood.org   

L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. They offer free sexually transmitted disease screening, treatment and education specifically for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community—though everyone is welcome. Routine testing is available on a walk-in basis and the average visit takes 1-2 hours. Very professional, very friendly, very non-judgmental. They’re located in Hollywood. http://www.lagaycenter.org/site/PageServer?pagename=YH_STD_Testing_and_Treatment

The Maple Counseling Center. TMCC provides low-fee counseling on a sliding scale basis—to a maximum of $100 per hour, and as low as $10. They offer therapy to individuals, couples, families, and groups, as well as parenting classes. Located on Wilshire Blvd in Beverly Hills. www.tmcc.org

HOUSEHOLD

99 Cent Store. Where I come from, the dollar store is a place full of cheap knick-knacks and kids’ birthday party favors. Here in Los Angeles, the 99 Cent Store is a “deep-discount retailer of primarily name-brand consumable general merchandise”. It’s a great place to go for basic household goods, basic foods like bread, milk, cereal, cookies (only considered a 'food' when you're depressed), basic office supplies, and the like.

CLOTHES

Clothes Minded. This is a women’s clothing store that sells everything for $15 or less – and no, it’s not a store full of leftover 80s rejects or things only your granny would wear. I’ve gotten jeans and dresses and a jacket there, all of which I get compliments on. Unfortunately, the only locations I know of are in Santa Monica on the Promenade, Torrance, Long Beach and Laguna Beach. But here’s the website: http://15dollarstore.com

Target. I’m not sure whether Target is considered a good cheap place to shop or a bad cheap place to shop. All I know is that it’s a great place to get basics like t-shirts, undergarments and summer dresses.

K-Mart. This place, I’m pretty certain, would cause dubious stares from anyone you admitted to shopping at, but again I’ve gotten some very inexpensive towels, t-shirts, undergarments and accessories like purses or belts here.

Ross-Dress-For-Less. I have a love/hate relationship with Ross. I have gotten some fantastic deals here, but I will warn you to enter at your own risk – and perhaps come straight after a meditation retreat. More often than not it’s crowded and the racks are jammed with unorganized garments, so you’ll need the patience of a monk. Having said that, though, every cocktail dress I’ve worn in the last ten years has come from here, cost under $15 and always garners great compliments.

Thrift stores. I’ve never shopped at one, but I add this general category because I know plenty of people who regularly shop at thrift stores and have amazing (and amazingly cheap) wardrobes.

FOOD

Trader Joe’s. This natural and organic food store is surprisingly inexpensive, considering they’re not selling you crappy, chemical-laden food. All I gotta say about this store is: $1.99 Charles Shaw wine. And no, it doesn’t taste like rubbing alcohol and grape juice. I’ve made every wine aficionado I know taste this blind and they’ve all really enjoyed it.

Farmer’s Market. This permanent farmer’s market at 3rd & Fairfax has a great selection of fruits and veggies at much lower prices than the supermarket. Biggest pet peeve: a 5-oz container of raspberries for $4.99. At the Farmer’s Market you’ll get the same size for $1.99.

Ralphs. Of course, if you’re cash-poor and need cheap food (both monetarily and nutritionally), there is always Ralphs/Vons/Albertsons, your typical supermarket. And hey, I always get terrific cash savings with my club card – no accumulating points for a lousy deck chair for me!

SOVA. For those who are particularly down-and-out, there is no shame in making use of a local food bank. SOVA Community Food and Resource Program has three locations, West Hollywood, Los Angeles and Van Nuys, and they are super friendly. No appointment necessary, but first time clients will fill out an application, and then you’re allowed to go there once each calendar month for a 5-day supply of food that you get to choose. They also have a Resource Center where they offer such services as medical, dental, utility bill assistance, clothing, financial aid, legal services, employment and job training, and food stamps. http://www.jfsla.org/SOVA

*the Virgo in me can't help but note that it is Blogger that is to blame for the crazy formatting of the above paragraph!

 
ENTERTAINMENT

Public Library. I know a lot of people who buy a book, read half of it, decide they don't like it, then let it gather dust on their overcrowded bookshelf. If your wallet is a little thin, go to your local public library - it offers books (no kidding), magazines, CDs and DVDs for check-out. The best part is, if your library doesn’t have something, you can order it online and they’ll ship it to the location of your choice (library location, that is, not your home). 
              

Netflix. Depending on your financial situation, Netflix may be an option for you if you watch a lot of movies or TV shows. For $8.95 a month you can watch unlimited movies. Unlimited in this case, though, means as fast as you can watch them, send them back in the prepaid envelope, and receive the next one on your custom-built list. If I pop a DVD in the mail on Monday, it’ll arrive at their warehouse on Tuesday, and I’ll have the next DVD by Wednesday or Thursday.

Museums. Many museums offer several ways to enjoy their exhibitions for free. LACMA is free for everyone on the second Tuesday of each month and on federal holidays, and after 5:00 pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday to L.A. County residents. MOCA is free every Thursday from 5-8 pm. UCLA Hammer Museum is free every Thursday. Skirball Cultural Center is free every Thursday from noon-9 pm. Check out http://discoverlosangeles.com/play/arts-music-and-entertainment/museums/los-angeles-free-museum-guide.html for further listings of free museums.

Indoor Sports. And of course, indoor sports (wink wink) are always free. But, for a little extra incentive, get your free birth control at Saban or Planned Parenthood, or just walk into any Out of the Closet where they have a basketful of complimentary condoms on their counter.

TRANSPORTATION

Public Transportation. Even though I have written several disheartening blogs about taking the bus (Carless In LA, Pants Off to Public Transit, Public Transportation to Hell), don’t be discouraged! (Hey, Daypass Date showed the metro in a fun, romantic light!) I’ll be the first to say taking the bus is not high on my list of fun things to do, but I’ll also be the first to say it’s there when you need it (for a buck fifty) and you don’t have a car. Go to http://maps.google.com, type in your starting address and destination, and then when it comes up with the route, simply click on the little bus icon right above the directions. Modern technology will come up with the next three most convenient bus/metro trips for you.

Walk. What? Walk? What does that mean? I once had a coworker whom I barely knew pull over on the street and offer me a ride. When I told him I actually enjoyed walking, his response was to not hear me and try to convince me to get in the car. But this is Southern California for crying out loud! It rains like three hours a year and our winters consist of a heavy sweater addition! Think of it as transportation and exercise.

Zipcar. If money’s not super tight you can rent a car by the hour for $8/hour. Read my previous blog Zippity-Do-Car for more details.

All right, so there you have it. A (longer than expected) tip sheet to live a full life on an empty wallet. Remember, you are not your bank account, so enjoy life!