A Day In the Life of a Writer, i.e. Underpaid Temp (Part 3)

Continued from yesterday’s A Day In the Life of a Writer, i.e. Film & TV Extra (Part 2).

If you accidentally (because what other excuse could there be?) missed my last two blogs, here is the Cliff’s Notes version of my opener: I am a writer, which means that I am a freelance ESL tutor, a film and TV “background artist”, an underpaid office temp, a panhandler and, every once in a while, a writer.

Today’s installment: underpaid temp.

I work temp jobs because I happen to be very good at picking up a phone and speaking into it, not to mention alphabetizing correctly and showing up on time. No joke: I can’t tell you how many times I have been thanked  at the end of the day from my supervisor for doing such a "fantastic job!" And when I say, “You do know a monkey could do this job?” they look at me with wide, frightened eyes, grab on to my arm, and tell me, “No, actually, they can’t. The monkeys here don't seem to know the alphabet or how to take messages. But you--you're a genius. Please stay forever and ever!”

I’ve worked with supervisors literally standing over my shoulder and showing me how to do a task until it’s actually done and then having to find something else for me to do. I spent a full eight hours sitting at a desk where the phone didn’t ring once, no clients walked through the doors, and I didn’t have the password to turn the computer on. Between counting the tiles on the ceiling several hundred  times and watching the patch of sunlight on the floor slowly move across the room all day, I got a lot of deep thinking done.

One front desk job required that I come in for a whole day of training and - I kid you not - I spent 8 hours learning how to answer the phone. 

Trainer (pointing): This is the phone. You are required to answer it.

Me: Got it.

Trainer: But only when it makes a funny noise. That's called 'ringing'.

Me: Got it.

Trainer: You will answer 'good morning' - unless, of course, it's after twelve, in which case you will answer 'good aft--' Why aren't you writing this down?

Me (writes 'are you kidding me, lady?' on notepad): Sorry.

Trainer: You will do this for the whole day, except for one hour in the middle, where you will take what we like to call a 'lunch break'. You are not required to answer the telephone then. Do you have any questions?

Me: Yes. When exactly did you escape the mental institution?

I once worked for four days doing data entry in a cubicle where I did not see anyone at all except when I left and entered the office for my lunch break where I was accosted by the security guard daily because no one recognized me. 

I’ve worked for companies where they wear jeans and flip-flops every day of the week. And I’ve worked for companies where memos were sent to remind everyone that Casual Fridays were not, in fact, casual enough to include jeans and flip-flops and that anyone doing so would get written up. 

I’ve worked in places where employees worked in open spaces and called out to each other rather than use the phone. And I worked in a place where the receptionist was almost fired for including a chipper “Happy Friday everyone!” over the PA system when paging someone.

But the best job of all was working for The Jim Henson Studio with Kermit the Frog ogling me from across the room and a Skeksis looming over my shoulder. The men's bathroom was labeled with a picture of Kermie and the women's with Miss Piggy. The studio exists on what used to be the Chaplin Studios (as in Charlie Chaplin) lot and several people claim to have seen and heard a ghost. In fact, the Sci-Fi Channel series Ghost Hunters shot an episode at the studios.

With Muppets and ghosts and the essence of the most famous silent movie star ever, how could it not be a blast? The people who work there are fun, creative, friendly and lively, and no memos were circulated when I burst into song on the job because I was so happy that my telephone training was put to good use.

Stay tuned for Part 4 tomorrow: Selena panhandles…