Speaking of wishing, I’ve had a strange string of desires manifesting lately. Not that I’m complaining (she said loud and clear to the universe), it’s just been bizarre. On Monday I was bemoaning the fact that I didn’t have any extra cash for Christmas gifts this year (“This year?” choruses everyone who knows me. “Try every year!”). Even hand-crafting gifts, as some delightful blogger suggested recently, costs a few bucks for materials and, in my case, international shipping fees. And then lo and behold, when I arrived home that afternoon there was a check in the mail for $400. It was so out of the blue I actually looked around my empty apartment as though the mysterious benefactor would be standing in the corner, nodding and waiting for his ‘thank you’. Turns out it was from a class action suit that involved a medication I took years ago.
A few months ago just before a good friend came to visit me, I was in the same predicament: I remember wishing that I had a couple hundred dollars for fun money while she was here. I wasn’t relishing having to say to her, “I’m so glad you’re here! Wanna stay home, eat Top Ramen noodles and watch reruns of Seinfeld with me all week?” The first day she was here, we were walking along, I looked down on the ground, saw what I thought was a couple of folded dollar bills, and picked it up. Turned out it was $150 (we hung around that spot for ten minutes in case the upset owner of the lost money came back, but no one did. Come to think of it, we were in Beverly Hills. Someone probably threw it away deliberately, mistaking the tiny amount of cash for garbage.). And when we returned home I found a birthday check for $75 waiting for me. So there was my $225 for fun money.
So when I wished that I had a car for the holidays, I wasn’t altogether surprised. Excited? Yes. Grateful? Absolutely. But I’m beginning to get used to this whole mental vision board idea. “Oh-ho,” I can hear you saying, “so why don’t you mental vision board the lottery, smarty pants?” Well, here’s the thing I’ve come to understand. I could try to manifest winning the lottery all I want, but since a million dollars is not in my realm of beliefs – in other words, deep in my core I don’t truly believe that I could ever have a million dollars – it’s never gonna happen. What’s the cap on my realm of beliefs? Apparently four hundred bucks. That’s about as high as my internal ‘yeah that could happen to me’ barometer goes.
When my friend picked me up to take him to the airport, he immediately apologized for the overwhelming scent of fish (hey wasn’t that the working title of Scent of a Woman?) that resulted when several trays of catered lunch toppled over in his back seat.
“I’ll wear a noseplug,” I said cheerfully. “I’m just grateful to have wheels for the next week!”
It was a bit chilly with the open windows, and when he turned on the heater, Tweety Bird chirped from the vents. He shrugged. “The vent works fine, but it just makes that bird sound.”
“No matter,” I said happily. “At least it doesn’t sound like a gun going off!”
The car my other friend loaned me while he was out of town was even more colorful. The driver’s side door doesn’t open at all, and the passenger’s side only opens from the outside. I’ll give you a moment to visualize how frustrating that is…. Especially when you have to pee badly.
Now don’t get me wrong, these two cars are still a stay at the Ritz compared to taking the bus, as I’ve been doing these last nine or ten months, but it got me to thinking about my realm of beliefs. Much like the million dollar lotto win that I intrinsically believe will never be my reality, me driving anything but a debtor car is also apparently not within my belief system. Damn.
But it’s Christmas eve and I still believe in Santa Claus (my dad always said as long as I believe in Santa Claus I’ll keep getting a stocking filled with presents from him…). So this year I am going to wish not for a new car, but for a new belief that I deserve to drive a new car.
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