65 Daily Tactics To Avoid Reality

It occurred to me recently that the one percenters are fearless warriors in the financial world, whereas we 99 percenters tend to tread softly when it comes to fiscal matters (not to be confused with fecal matters). Maybe it’s low self-esteem, maybe it’s a lack of role models in our lives, maybe it’s being on the IRS’ Most Wanted list—whatever the reason, instead of jumping into the cash flow of life with both feet, we will do anything to avoid reality.

You see, the one percenter rises early, takes every opportunity to bring money in, whether it’s working a 20-hour day, showing up at the factory and intimidating his workers, or calling up his pal in the Federal Treasury for another bailout, and then retires to bed. In contrast, here are 65 daily tactics we 99 percenters regularly employ to avoid the reality of life and therefore greater earning possibilities:

1.       Don’t get out of bed until noon.

2.       Don’t get out of bed at all.

3.       Meditate – for three hours.

4.       Think about what you are going to have for breakfast.

5.       Call in sick to work – and then watch Seinfeld DVDs all day.

6.       Look all over the house for your to-do list.

7.       Spend so much time correcting the grammar and punctuation on your to-do list forget why you made it.

8.       Eat breakfast.

9.       Show up to work late, play Solitaire all day, leave early.

10.   Waste time because you can’t find anything on your cluttered desk.

11.   Spend all day decluttering your desk.

12.   Waste time because you can’t find anything on your organized desk.

13.   Think about what you are going to have for lunch.

14.   Eat lunch.

15.   Get wasted on your lunch break.

16.   Close your office door and take a 3-hour nap after lunch.

17.   Check email, read email, send email, receive email, read email, send email, receive…

18.   Read entire Michael Connelly series non-stop.

19.   Pick fight with your boyfriend/wife/boss/parent over something trivial like they breath too loud.

20.   Cry.

21.   Spend all day making up for stupid fight.

22.   Enjoy a day off from life to recharge – every day.

23.   Think about dinner.

24.   Become addicted to going to 12-step meetings for unhealthy relationships to money.

25.   Clean your apartment.

26.   Reorganize your bookshelf – alphabetically by publisher this time.

27.   Decide to take up painting.

28.   Eat dinner.

29.   Think about breakfast already.

30.   Worry that you have an incurable disease and do internet research.

31.   Call everyone you know to ask what they know about this incurable disease.

32.   Decide to take up knitting.

33.   Go to a ten-day meditation retreat because your phone has been disconnected anyway.

34.   Update your resume – i.e. change the font, font size and margins.

35.   Decide to adopt a pet.

36.   Spend time on Facebook.

37.   Spend time on Facebook.

38.   Spend time on Facebook.

39.   Change your outgoing voicemail message twelve times until you sound confident but relaxed.

40.   Write a long letter to your grandma and when you’re finished remember that she died six years ago.

41.   Go online to research your complete family tree.

42.   Meditate again.

43.   Nap.

44.   Listen to voicemail from friend who wonders why your outgoing message sounds so strange.

45.   Change your outgoing voicemail message fifteen times until you sound chipper and carefree.

46.   Trim your own hair.

47.   Go to salon for haircut.

48.   Change wallpaper on your cell phone – after testing out all 166 photos in your Images File.

49.   Practice writing with your non-dominant hand.

50.   Come across Swedish-English phrasebook and decide to learn Swedish.

51.   Rent all Ingmar Bergman films.

52.   Return Ingmar Bergman films and throw away Swedish-English phrasebook.

53.   Do all your laundry, including sheets, comforters, rugs and running shoes.

54.   Masturbate.

55.   Go to church to confess sins (if you’re Catholic).

56.   Feel guilty all on your own (if you’re Jewish).

57.   Masturbate again (if you’re an atheist).

58.   Check email, read email, send email, receive email, read email, send email, receive…

59.   Spend time on Facebook.

60.   Daydream about a bright new future.

61.   Go to a psychic for advice on how to change your life.

62.   Go to a tarot reader for advice on how to change your life.

63.   Go to an astrologist for advice on how to change your life.

64.   Go to bed early, exhausted, after a long, tiring day.

65.   Make long lists about nothing important.

What are some of the tactics you take to avoid reality? Post a comment - I'd love to know!